Saturday, February 13, 2016

HVD, I broke up.

When you need people the most and you come to notice there is none, that's when you start hating everything about those whom you once thought to be closest.

Truth be told there is no friendship no relation but only heart breaking pain tied up with all expectation.

I could've said rely on tech and electronic form of living than depending on moving beings but again man made tech is jus as unreliable as any human being.

This brings us to the question what's our social existence means then? What's the meaning of society or living in groups, being codependent? Well those stuff are jus laughably as a cute little kid crying and demanding something that doesn't exist.

We definitely live in society but if you look around, you are actually alone. And it's better to accept that before you're lost in the darkness of hopelessness. Expectations will never lead you anywhere but to disappointments and frustration. End of the day you've only yourself to blame.

7 years ago, 14th Feb 2009, 3:30am I made a huge mistake. Today after a long time - I have the chance and guts to correct it. Even though I am standing at the same corner of my life with few variables been changed. If today I fail to make it up to myself, fix the mistake I made long back then that day won't be the one I call my biggest mistake. I was a fool, blinded but today If I can't open my eyes, choose not to use the gift of sight then no god can save me and my soul will be lost to condemn for all eternity of suffering without any escape.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Given Up


















Have you ever been there?
When I cried
Have you ever been there?
When I was lost in loneliness
Darkness haunts me
Drowning in dreads of my own nightmares
Directionless I am wonder
Caught in chaotic whirl 
Needing someone to light my way
Were you there ever?
When I needed you
When my life became meaningless
When my hopes meant nothing
When my dreams startled me
Turned into nightmares
With its ghastly bliss
And all I knew was how to complain
Blinded by my disappointments
And I learnt to hate myself
Were you there to love me?
When love was only thing
That could’ve saved me
Were you there?
Before I turned into a monster
Destroying everything
I ever held dear
Before I resented my reflection
feeling remorse for every bit of my past
Before I lost hope of future
Anything I imagined
Now left with haunting ruins
Were you there?
You weren’t ever
‘Coz if you were
I would’ve given up.

Friday, February 5, 2016

Change
















Drenched with tears
Abide by something evil
Alone haunted by wicked souls
Running and struggling
For survival from own demons

Hope torn apart
Everyday piece by piece
Nothing left after the storm
Endeavor future ahead
Torn apart the loved ones
Drained until
the last drop of blood

And there I lay in the mud
seeped in my death and destruction
no hope for ever another day
bidding my time going by
with every breath, every curse
inching closer
to the infinite darkness

But as they closed in on me
the monstrous demons
eternal darkness all around
As the last vestiges
of the senses abandoned
the remnants of by bleeding heart
skipped a beat

No, it can't be
its not possible
and yet deep down within
I found I wanted it to be
The wicked demons
circling overhead
strong and mighty
and yet ever so slightly
shivering whispers
among them I sense

Unable to comprehend anymore
and with clenched teeth
a faint ripple in the distance
and also deep within
grew stronger with every breath
until nothing else came in

Searing pain and devastation
blinding light everywhere
preparing for the end
Is this my purgatory?
But then the glow softened
and warmth I felt again

The dreaded demons all vanquished
Wretched souls pulverized to bits
demented ghouls bound in the past
and the fragments relieved
into oblivion, never to be

In the darkness
amid the stench of the battle
among the wretched masses of sin
a single flower in the tempest
lay there weak and devoured,
but yet not lifeless
as tears seared my skin.

Someone leaned over in the madness
someone familiar but not akin
someone I used to know long ago
someone unnamed
powerless, yet herculean
somehow I felt within

A touch
and I remember
the power over all demons
the evil to be locked within
a touch
and now I see
all the memories and memoirs
of strawberries and happy times
a touch
and I can feel
the love we shared, the moments we made
the bittersweet hearts' desires
of broken dreams and lullabies.

And now I stand up and look around
the deepest truth in your eyes
the warm touch of your smile
the kinder memories of things to be
the sacred vows and what were we

We fall into our arms
the worst is now past, gone
reminded of a binding truce
a gasp of breath, a painful rue
And a smiling face on me and you
together we shall
always stay strong
forever & always
till the break of dawn