Lost in Turbulence

Am frightened with dark clouds
the dread of darkness coming in
I can feel the heartless wind
and the chills of the cold attention
mourning death
and angry deception

My inside is all turning to stone
can't feel, can't find my soul.
All I can realize
there is nothing to lose
But am losing to myself
the person I was
But what I become
A saviour a protection
lost to endurance
and ruptured own world
I am responsible
for the damage I left behind

I stand still
but the ground below is slipping
am falling restless
without control
in the dark pit hole
six feet below the ground

Now water crawling in
am chocking into its vastness
without air
without you
I can't reach out
or call your name
alone I stand
six feet under water
I rest without life

Without a word
in silence my world disappears
I could've had a chance
to get back
to be the change
but six feet under the earth
I lost my world and you.

Now what I do?

Choice

Fixating on something
Something that means nothing
Leaving everything
Losing everything
Letting go
Like abandoning
My heart and soul.

To seek what's ahead
Or running from myself
What's easy
What's next

If that's we believe
To seek our tests

Life passes
So as the moments
Smile and sorrow
Bind and tangled
Nothing stays
Nothing lasts
It meant to be or
Something to pass.

Seeking dream
Reaching goals
Running away
From the truth exposed
Nothing wrong
Nothing said
White lies turn life
To ashes

Burn my love
Burn in hell
Aggression of hatred
Lost long betrayal
Still burn red
Adore my heart
Kept safe
Ambush safety
Victim crucified.

Only question
So as said
Running away
From myself
Or towards mighty goal ahead
Waste my life
Is useless mess
Or grow a flower
And let the perfume
Bloom in summer
With glory
And glow of thousand sun

At the end 

the choice behold.

Lucifer: Chapter 1

Chapter One : Samuel 

Who said the devil can’t feel

He cannot show restrain

He cannot show mercy

Who said the devil
Can’t be in love

Care for someone

Or someone his heart desire.

I have known him

Since the time
has started

For the mortal world

He was a handsome Angel

God gifted

A savior

Of human world

Blond tress,

Marble skin

Like porcelain been sculptured

Eyes so green

Like ocean drowning in itself

A reflection of God

If it existed

The son of Morning

Samuel, every one called him.

He was not someone

To stay here forever

A visitor from another world

A guide, a savior

An angel to look over the mankind

Until it’s ready to watch over itself 

A group of Angels visited

Time to time

But he was different

Even through riding

Same line.

He was kind

He connected to the earth 

Like it’s his home too

And he’s obligated for its survival.

He could feel our pain

Our cries tear his heart

Suffering and diseases

He made his own for us.

I would never forget that day

When I was taking a walk

In the market

Looking at the mighty angel 

Peeking from

underneath my red hood.

I admire his beauty

And his manly posture

His arms and his broad shoulder

His locks and his golden kotino

A glow around him

So brilliant

Like thousand sun burning

But soothing its warmth.

I was so lost

Lost in his magic

Lost in his aura and grace

I didn’t even notice

Where am walking to

As step and fell on the potteries 

The shopkeeper started yelling at me

Before I could say anything

Panicking with all that was going

I wish he didn’t witness this

“Oh!! Such fool I made of myself,

What should I do

What should I do”

I turned quickly to see

If he is looking

“Oh! My unfortunate soul”

He was coming right at me

I panicked

I started running

The pottery maker kept shouting

I thought the entire village

Would run after me now

I ran

I ran

Until my limb couldn’t move 

another inch

I turned to look back

To witness

“Oh! Today this is it.”

When I turn back

He was standing right behind me

I lost my ground 

“Oh! The earth shatter

And I wish I be buried in it.”

But instead 

His strong arms 

grabbed my falling sole

Oh I can be hurt a thousand times 

To do this all over again 

I couldn’t believe 

Am so up close 

I was lost in eyes

Not realizing he was also 

Looking at mine.

Suddenly struck by my sense 

I was so ashamed

I buried my face in my hands

He gentle put me down to sit

And softly touch my hand

To see my face 

I started shaking

I started shivering

“What would he think of me?

My hero, my dream

I am cover in mud and dirt

And you are the prince Charming

Right from the pages of fairytale.”

“What’s your name?”

He asked softly 

But with his incredible voice

It was first time he talked to me

And I couldn’t say a word.

Further on :

Chapter Two - The Reason
Chapter Three – The Angels Return
Chapter Three – Battle at Heaven's Gate
Chapter Four– The Angels Return
Chapter Five - Lucifer Rises
Chapter Six – Pile of Death
Chapter Seven - The Dark Prince

My Clark

Isn’t it great to be with someone who can make all your problems go away jus’ with one kiss, and when he holds you, you feel to be in the safe place where no one or nothing can hurt you, in his company everything is perfect.

Well, since childhood I had always been in love with superman and the mild manner reporter Clark Kent. He was like the perfect husband to me. Then Dean Cain painted both of the characters so well and Teri played Lois Lane, the drama they created jus’ make every teen girl want to trait place with her. Although along with that character comes ample amount of life risking jeopardy but to be the beloved of the Superman and be the wife to Clark Kent in not a very big toll. Truth to be told the 1993 Lois and Clark series makes me fall in love with my childhood hero over and over again and I go back to be a teen again. Everything being so innocent, pure, butterflies flying all over the place, drowning in sweet scented roses and my heart tears up with agony of their (Lois and Clark’s) beautiful love and their constant struggle to be a normal couple. Actual they were normal couple jus’ in a lot of abnormal situations.

As I grew up still being lost in fantasies of marrying my childhood hero, I always stood confused whom my heart truly wants, if I really have to make a decision choosing either Superman or Clark. Won’t you say – Everyone loves superman, he got super-powers. Power is something pulls a woman closer but it not something that keeps her. Think about it - marrying Superman, he is like this doctor on 24X7 on duty or like a marine who’s always away. But he still has time for you, 'coz what completes Superman is the man inside the suit, its Clark Kent. A perfect gentleman, mild mannered, loving, caring, understanding, supporting but above all a brave man standing up for the justice and to help fight against any odds, knowing that you are the most powerful man in the universe and keep it content makes him a true hero. Clark is a superhero even with powers. That’s what makes him a true hero and a great leader. And that's the man I always loved and want to spend my live with. My true childhood hero, wasn’t Superman – It’s always been Clark Kent.

It’s not strength of the man that made him man of steel, it was the strength of his character. And when you think about it we all have Clark Kent in us, the only matter of fact is what choices we make and are we humble enough to accept the failure and kind enough to forgive. A man is one who wins the fights but the one who can stand up to justice and use his power righteously to end a fight and kind enough to forgive is truly Superman.

A few people can make fun of his uniform as much they like, but we all know who will the Superman at the end of day. A symbol a pride.

--Dedicated to my Clark Kent.

Special Thanks to Dean Cain and "Lois & Clark" Series - For painting such a perfect image of Clark in our imagination.

I Feel Nothin'

I hope
I feel nothin'
No emotion
no connection

Drifting away from everything
walking to solitude
a way to choose
a way to separate

I hope
I feel nothin'
'Coz all I feel
is pain.

Haunting feeling of loss
Nothin' to hold on to
Agony of broken heart
scattered in million pieces

Unable to get out
of this feeling
drowning in darkness
of my own hell

I have created
my own evil
now am captivated
with its chains of suffering

No escape
No scream can get away
down below
somewhere in the coldness
lost in darkness
I hope
I feel nothin'

Not love
Not passion
No compassion
to ardor or be adore.

I hope
am lost
in this numbness
in apathy
in alienation.

Rather than
feeling agony
I hope
I feel nothin'

Fly Or Die

Has it gotten easier for me to fail by giving up on my dreams? The feeling of filth is so making me angry. Angry on myself and as I can’t do anything about it and jus’ letting my anger out on others. I keep on telling myself I suck ‘coz I don’t feel the motivation. It’s like two forces are working inside of me and somehow I am let the wrong force win. I am all pepped up one day and then next 3 day and down and low, whining on my self inflected miseries. If I don't jump to get out, how would I get out. Its easier to depend on others and blame someone else but I don't have a choice other than blaming in on my evil reflection. Numbed and trapped in fantasy and chained with comfort.

Has the low scores something to do with it. I don’t know. I can’t take it anymore, every time I giving up, its killing me every time I move a date. Am never gonna feel ready. It jus’ time for me to jump, sometimes that’s the choice you have. You fly or you die. Let the fate decide. I am diving in.

Lost

Am not sure
where to begin
where to start
I jus' know
there is so much to say
But am lost
with this perception
deluded in my imagination
don't know
what's real anymore.

Am standing between
the cross roads
and I dont know
which way it is
where should I go
both are equally depressing
may be am lost
I have no idea
who I am
or where my
future taking me.

I want something
seem so difficult to achieve
after several tries
I keep on failing
like a wheel keeps turning
without an end
repeating in circle
without a destination to reach
I don't know what to do
may be am lost
and I dont know
how to find myself
in this world.

Am lost
I try to seek
a purpose I have
I see the road ahead
but as I walk
the horizon keeps on sliping
and I stand
as far as
I was yesterday
and I stand
in front of me
so many miles
to walk again.

I keep on following
every night and every day
with a little hope
for I gonna be better
and tomorrow
the sun will rise on my face

Waiting for my trials
to pay off
with ways to converge
and lead me to my destination
waiting for that day
some day one day
until then
I walk with lost direction
seeking my calling
and growing observation.

Lost to purpose
lost direction
lost to myself
well, lost is myth
Until reality hits.

Delusional Reality

A part of painful reality
chocked with emotions
agony intense
of course! a never ending
search for salvation
awaiting a warrior
a prince charming
to rescue from the tower
of struggle
and fight our battle.

Dream break with light of dawn
hurting sun, burning skin
blistering bruises
and reality hits
its obscure simplicity
Only a glance of notice
a reflection persisting
my battle are mine
Thee war I came to fight
and that's my purpose of life.

I yell as loud as
my voice can reach
tearing up my vocal cords
hoping that someone will listen
"How can it be?
How evil is not only surviving
but also thriving
in bliss of ignorance
its growing
every day every morning"

I pause to weep
and then finish my sentence
"Why innocence is dying
Have the guiltless has to suffer
Why kindness flounders
at every step, in every way?"

Now I doubt upon your existence
how can you let it be
I raise hands my complain
no answer
not even a thunder
nothing shaken
not a drop of remorse
no hint of your presence
how merciless
how oblivious
you've become
Show me a sign
you still here
haven't abandon us
left us
deserted this planet

Oh! my Mighty Thee
if I can't
only you can be
a teacher to this lesson
might of all
to decide the future
Evil has to pay its price
and protect the innocence to survive

But if you can't
give me the power
to be always right
to be rightful
to be kind
let me serve your land
let me make it place to live
Where grace survive
Scorn the spec down below
pamper the goodness
and let it grow.

Chances of True Love

Love is incredible, love is thrilling and inspiring but rare, and many of us are fooled by a temporary attraction as a life time of commitment and true love. You remember when we were sixteen how everything seemed so lovely, every color was beautiful and that heart pumping wait for perfect prince Charming from fairy tales.

Well, I personally always had a thing for prince Charming, Cinderella’s prince Charming. Am not sure if that’s the most romantic story in the whole classic collection but the fact that always connected me the most was that it kinda felt real even though magical. It was the story which always made me believe in magic still existing in the real world, probably in various forms. For me my mother has always been my fairy God Mother, but since my sweet sixteen I always wanted that savior to sweep me away from the terrible hardship that I had to deal with jus’ like Cinderella. Although unlike her, I didn’t have a step-mom then but my own biological father was worse than that. Lucky for me, my fairy God Mother always had my back, and she has this incredible magic to keep me hopeful for the future.

Every sixteen years old girl needs her Price Charming and keeps waiting for him to come on that bright white horse wearing that shinny armor and dressed up in his royal suit. But a girl won’t care if her prince arrives in ruptured jeans if he is the real deal, if he is a friend, a person to rely on, a strength in weakest movement, someone to trust blindly, a shoulder always to cry on, a hand to hold but above all someone who can love her the most in the world. A person who’s pained seeing her in pain, who can do anything to keep her happy and smiling, the one who protects her from the evil world. One who brings that true love and faith in love in her life and becomes the best friend she needs.

That wait is worthwhile, if an ordinary girl finds her prince, but what if she doesn’t? Well, then that’s just reality of life and you are as ordinary as the girl next to you or thousand others. We’re all searching for the true love and very few of us are lucky enough. But most of us settle down with fatal attraction and that’s the whole life we see ahead of us. Marriage, kids and catching up with fast life, as we grow up and away from that sixteen year old girl inside us. We rarely find time to ask ourselves, is this the Life I wanted and is he The One I waited for so long. We’re afraid to break free of it ‘coz the most sure thing is comfortable but it mayn’t be the right thing. It takes a lots of guts to accept that and move on, probably the wait for true love is still on, probably this wait will never end or probably its jus’ around the corner. You’ll never know if you haven’t taken the chance.

I Do but I Don't

Its almost midnight,
there is no knock at my door.
Alone again,
as the night growing cold.
Sometimes all it takes
a little gesture
to turn around everything.
Sometimes everything shatters
as clutched in silence.

Is that what we call a bond,
well that's how four years jumped
and today we stand
in our  separate lives.

Am glad
this is the start
of a new tradition,
am glad
we have known this
before moving forward
before another disappointment
before another year
pouring down more misery

We walk alone now
move ahead to separate paths
no turning back
nothing left between us.
I have played enough
the games of blames
and leaving tormenting stains
Remember the vows?
Oh! we never actually
took 'em

A promise
to stuck by
for better or for worse
but every time
with passing years
its only getting worse

Now its time for you
For you to walk away
without a word
done with your text
jus' enough
to mend
or to break up.

But today
its gonna be different
before you leave again
let me tell you this
without a pause,
its over, its over,
and no path left
to lead you back
to lead you to me
or find our home.

The vows have failed
the bond broken
with heart shattered
bleeding crimson tears.

Four years ago
I said I do
but not today
not today.
I hoped I do
but I don't
not today
not today.

Promise

I am making a promise today
And this promise is to myself
I will smile
I will laugh
And I will fake all the way

I chose this journey with you
My darling
But in all these years
I believe, I have lost myself

So today I make a promise
A promise to myself
I will pretend with you
I will smile
I will nod
But never be myself

'Coz I've tried everything
I have talked
I have fought
I had been a friend
I had been a partner
But somehow someday
While walking with you
Lost in the crowd
Distance grew between us
And now we can't recognize ourselves.

So I make a promise today
A promise to myself
I will not move on
I will not let anything
Go away
I will relapse
Every night and every day
lose myself
To memories so brutal
To keep myself
remember this
How worthless I am
Granted for your sake.

I will remember everything
Keep repeating to myself
Breaking your charming spell
I move away,
Move far away

My darling
My honey
This is a promise
I ain't coming back
I am a breathing corpse
Without life without faith
Another chapter over for say.
Epic love story
Without an end.
Shame! the curtains are down
Without a finale.
Oh! so abruptly
Its all been said
Any chance to recover
Lost in dismay.

This is it
As far as the journey
Of I do and to be
Our directions changed
Moving on separate routes
To give a chance to each other
Moving on to better future. 

I had loved you
but you have lost me
In time
I was there beside you
But my presence
Went blur with time

Now I make a promise
A promise to you
My darling
Putting down my veil
I leave from this obscure tale
No strings tied
No foul blames shared

But jus' once
Before I stride
I turn around
I turn around and I cry
waiting for a discern
But nothing as I stand by.

So I promise you,
My darling
Never to be back
Its time for your life
To take a new turn
Surrounded by euphoria
Wrapped in cloudy bliss.
There nothing for me
There is nothing for us
And its time
to say this
I will step away
before you notice.

If You Really Believe

In Memories of Sir Charlemagne - Happy Birthday

Chocked with the

Drowning emotions

Did I really have to be here

Where I am

Its dark bottom 

Under water

The loneliness is haunting me

Am scared

Am alone

Only thing I needed
is your hand

Afar I could 

I stretched to reach

But only solitude

Wrapped me around

No questions asked 

Decision made

Sentence pronounced

And the guilty is served.

Stab my heart

With a million strikes

Let me bleed 

Drop by drop

Suffocate me 

and leave me
grasping to breathe

let me end

vanish inch by inch

Murder under 

The laws of justice

Without trial, 

Sin is filed.

There is nothing left

There is nothing to end

Lost path

Never to be home again

Adrift souls
Lost in despicable condemn

wrecking conscience
destroying all.

If you really believe

This was all

I was this

Then I am
Nothing at all.

Hush!!

Hush!!
Not a word
Let no one hear
The sound
of your broken heart

Wipe 'em
fast!!
Let the tears fall
But turn around
Let no one see
Agony tearing you down

You stand on the edge
where whole world gone dark
no one around you
to hold your hand
or keep you warm

Hide!!
Don't let 'em see
how ghastly dreadful
you can be

The wolves are near
they can sense your fear
they live to tear you down
bit by bit
into pieces

Hush!!
Don't make a sound
Let no one hear
where you are.
Wait for the clouds
to be clear
You would know
when you can be out.

Pray!!
Pray to God
the fog to be lifted
and darkness torn down
by the light

Shhh!!
Wait for the time
to come
One day, Some day
until today is the one.

The Turnin'

Not sure where I stand

the emotions taking over me

they took me for granted

and am jus' an advantage to 'em

How could they expect

I will be living in silence

time would jus' passing by 

and I will be suffocating 

under depression

but enough is enough

Its time

now I am breaking free

I am turning into
something I have hated.

Evil around me

is taking the best of me

And I can't control it

I have done 

nothing to deserve it

I pray to myself

am begging on my knees

don't scream, don't breathe

but don't turn into this

I look at my reflection

Am I the Devil 

Or its lucifer in me

My heart is broken

into thousand pieces

and am still collecting

I have to break out of this

It doesn't matter how it hurts

I have to save myself

before this ship starts sinking

Its my only chance

its my last resort

its now or never

before its all over.

Doesn't matter anymore 

where I stand

I understand my path

my destiny is calling

and I jus' have to follow my heart

with closed eyes

without distractions.

Believe in the future

with no doubt about it

its only gonna be one thing

nothing else does matter

not until am there.

It's About your Future

It's about feeling
It's about heart beat
let it slow down beat by beat
then bring it up
with that fast music
your mind doesn't work
but your body moves
and you jump on your feet
don't care about the world
don't care about the crowd
no one sees you
and you watch yourself in silence.

It's about passion
It's about creation
creating something
from the scratch
and the signature you put
at the last.

It's about 'em
It's about us
but in between that noise
you find one voice
it's your own heart beat
it's steady
it's calm
It's you for whom
you're creating
the critic, the admirer
you switch places for perfection.

It's about loyalty
to yourselves
and to what you start.
Everybody is responsible
for 'emselves
to turn the wheel
and choice of option.

So if you dream
create that dream
with everything
that made you.
Believe your creation
pour your life forces
nurture with friendship,
and so much love.
And that's your way
as LCO says
A way to your future
to put your signature 

at the end.

Your Ghost

Do you remember
how hurt was like
the agony taking your breathe
the pain tearing you up

When you at the end of the road
there is no future
there is no light
the faith is broken
there is nothing to believe in
and you're ruined

Did you feel that dread
of feeling nothing
even in deepest cut
you feel nothing
but your broken heart
still beats inside you
the agony still chocks you
suffocation leaves you breathless
but no one for you
no one can see
you can listen everything
but you're invisible
for world

Laid apart
distant away
from the souls
those were lost
you might be a ghost now
but you found your way
you're purpose
you're headed to fulfillment
to walk into the light
to find your destiny.

But constantly a voice
keeps asking you that -
Do you remember
how hurt was like
the agony taking your breathe
the pain tearing you up
but now you feel nothing
jus' an invisible ghost
wandering for purpose
until its found.

Dark Hollow Pit

Look around you,
in the empty
in the hollow
Do you hear something,
anything at all
a heart beat in the darkness
running faster every minute

Am scared, am lonely
in the darkness swallowing me
a hope, a light
nothing in here
its dark hollow pit.

A word, an emotion
emerged from the feeling
faith buried under faulty trust
loneliness and solitary
reaps nothing
except ghoulish and ghastly pain

left to crawl
left in dread
left to die
with desperate cries
I call for you

No one could hear
none did survive
I am here
in the darkness of hollow pit

Days past
Years turned
time left still
froze somewhere in between

I see a glare
I reach for it
a reflection
don't know the person in it

I tell her
my story
she doesn't speak
but someone's there for me
in this dark hollow pit.

My Solitude

Sometimes life takes you on an extraordinary journey of perspectives, perspective how you see yourself, others and of course life around you. Some things might seem perfect, a perfectly designed work out, scheduled time table defining each phase in life, planning how and what decision are made. Hope there could have been a program which could answer all sorts of questions we have.

But fortunately or unfortunately it’s upon us to figure our lives out, dealing with the past hoping to see bright future. And that’s the beauty of this life, experiencing the moments and making mistakes learning and again moving. Memoirs are only forms of past that we drag along like baggage. But truth to be told no one could live or hope without a little baggage from the past. It is what shape what we're today.

Human being is a social animal, we can’t survive in solitude. We are bound by our psychology to make Relationship. Since birth we knew to have a bonded relationship with our parents. When we grow into the thriving teens we dream about this romantic relationship and perfect wedding. Every girl dream about this prince charming and a beautiful wedding. Don’t know what guys dream about, Well, we all know what guys wonder about at that age (not to put any uncensored notions). Well, being in the society and tied with the mentality to be in a relationship drives a person crazy when forced into the solitude.

But think about it, is it really bad. That one person, who is the most constant thing in your life since you came to the world, the person who knows your deepest secret and obscure temptations is only you, yourself. Then why is it bad to be in solitude, why another human contact is needed. Why there is this constant appeal of acceptance and dread of rejection?

Social media has now brought this concept vividly. There are people blocking you and there are people you block. Why? Simple answer might be - Because I ain’t wanna deal with ‘em or simply I don’t like ‘em or once that person was mean to me or I don’t know why, I was mad and now I don't care. Can you see now - there is no simple answer to this. But as long as you make yourself a prey to social acceptance you will be brutally hurt by the rejection.

Neither you can go being friendly nor relating with everyone you know, we now have the social security on stake, nor you can go everywhere or to everyone demanding you presence be treated as one of the most important people or at least your presence been cared about.

Are you expecting pity coz your husband doesn’t take a notice, or your boyfriend is cheating on you? My girl, jus’ get over it and get a life. Nevertheless girls are naive either, to those men I got the same comment, if you are dumped – Oh! Jus’ take a day off and get it out of your system. Don’t cruse love or the one around you in love. It’s not healthy especially to yourself.

Most of our habits – Sleeping, eating and being in a relation comes from what we see and what’s been told. Well also include reading to that list. Awesome novels by Erich Segal and Nicolas Sparks jus’ makes us want to fall in love. Well, good and congrats to those for whom everything worked out. But it’s nothing to be sad for the ones, things didn’t work out – with your spouse or your parent or children.

Today we are connect to someone doesn’t mean tomorrow we will be. We can’t demand to be in someone’s life. Law can be twisted and formed in several ways but it doesn’t make sense to force someone to be with you, special the one who resents you. It doesn’t worth it. You’ll ask me, “I love him/her so much, what I should do?” Well, if you really love someone and he/she doesn’t want to be with you then keep those pleasant memoirs of the past in your heart and let go of the now dead relationship. Because you know what, as much as you gonna try to hold firmly the more you gonna damage and disrespect the few good memoirs left with you. Then you’ll be left hollow, empty and there is nothing more painful in the world than left void and purposeless.

I have heard some of my very close people telling me that they don’t have anyone in their lives and it pains ‘em. Sometime you ain’t know the reason for someone rejecting you, they're definitely not obligated to answer you. But ain’t that’s enough that am not wanted. I understand the need of a friend in tough times, a friendly heartbeat, a warm hug, a known voice in the world full of strangers, a trust that this friend always gonna be there, and an expectation that never let down.

But in the real world, expectation breaks relationships, and friendship is another form of relationship. If it may last, good, if not then you gotta move on expecting there gonna be more.

More or not but one friend will always be there with you constantly and even though you are super mad with that person, you can always expect him/her to come back to you and be there for you anytime you need. You know that person – Jus’ look in the mirror and you know you’re not alone.

Even though the whole world turn against you and you don’t have a single shoulder to cry, in the darkest and cruelest night without any warm hugs, there will be this person in the mirror always there for you. But this coolest and the most loyal pal of your, ain’t gonna show up until you have found Solitude.

After all, Solitude ain’t that bad. Right?

The Last 15 Days

Alas! Life can be so surprising
You've all the time in the world
But suddenly you've none.

Let's say one of day
I fell in your arms
As you held my hand
Fey my hairs
I wake up smiling
It's nothing
jus a tremor
A glitch for a blink.

We know
We believe in
We've all eternity together
But suddenly life changes
And here we are
Counting last fifteen days
Of us.

Life paused,
World stopped
Your beloved is taking a fly
Soon I fly above the earth
Away from you
Away from us.

Alas! Life can be so cruel
But so charming at the same time
Choices to make
A chance to say
A complete goodbye
Moment paused
and we held hands
For first couple of days

Death came everyday
A little more closer
With its silent steps
Trying to scare
Trying to seek
an opportunity to win

Every moment I was dying
An agony of misery
A fight to survive
Counting days
But not longer than fifteen

Last wish
to wait with you
Holding your hand
Close my eyes with
You in my last sight
All I want when I leave
You still be in my dreams
And I fly into the light
With peace in my heart

Those last fifteen days
Of agony of misery
All worth
If you be by my side.
As we vowed
For better and for worst
And we take the time
for our last goodbyes.

You may never see me
You may never touch
You will be left with my illusion
You may believe I was
But I am not.

Would you miss me
When am gone
You may never see me
When you come back
But those last fifteen days
you have your priorities
and our life
and miscellaneous activities
And life continues without me

Those last fifteen days
When I wait
You were missing
By my side
And by my death bed
You weren't there
for last goodbyes
You weren't there
For my wishes.

Alas! Death can be so faithful
To show the reality of life
We are all on our own
Everyday or on death bed
Without true love
Fictional and unreal
Keep haunted by the past
With no hope of future
Chained in the present loneliness
Until death comes to free us.

I Hope

- Teardrops parting tribute to Sir Charlemagnum

I hope you realize someday, thinking clearly and running every moment in your head. I know this very well you blamed me now and you’ll blame me then. But I hope you realize your actions, they were never the right ones, never to mend us one. Rather you words wounded our scars, broke our broken hearts.

You just had to say things even though they meant nothing, you jus' had to hurt us even though we were the only ones helping you and standing by your side. But I hope someday it all make sense to you. Someday you realize, what you had and why it's lost.

I hope someday you turn back and realize when I was there you didn't take a notice. I hope someday you realize when your fake single status actually became a reality. I hope someday you revisit my blog and realize, every single word I wrote, every single poem of mine is painful and is a cry. A cry for you to notice and agony worst than I die. I hope you understand why my creations are so dark and how I am lost to you in that dark.

I hope you remember, it’s not ones, not twice but several times, I gave you no hint but with exposed emotions asked you visit my letter to understand, what I went through, and how badly they hurt. How much that hurt more, when after thousand reminders you couldn't, you didn't even tried to open my words, how ignored I was, how unimportant I am. In love we hope we understand each other what sense does it makes if I explain my pain, still I ripped piece by piece and striped my lonely broken heart, showed you everything but you turned your back. Still with a smile, I tried really-really hard to make us work, in a hope that there could be an "us". I hope you realize how badly you broke that hope.

I hope someday you reach your sanity and you feel what I felt. I hope someday you try to understand someone like you never understood my pain. I hope someday you could make someone feel your love that I never felt. I hope someday someone can trust, depend, and feel protected with you like I have hoped in my heart. I hope someday you have everything I never had. I hope when you realize all this it’s not too late to start.

You're the One for me!!

I see the world
in her broken smiles
her plastic laughter
and constant trial
to get back to live a better day
She screams inside
but never lets it out.

I wish I could tell her
"You gonna be okay,
If I could, I be your light
and guide your way
If I could,
I be anything for you
you're only constant thing in my life
you're my rock
And my reason to survive."
I wish I could tell her
"I am enough for you"
I wish I could be
everything you need
But she never looks my way.

She rarely makes hair
Her make up is smeared
wiping the tears
that she wants no one to see
she screams in pain , but silently,
but I hear every word
you painful breathing.
Why don't you know
how beautiful you are
jus' see yourself in my eyes
You're my world
you're one constant thing I have
We gonna work it out someday
We gonna find a way,
to make everything better.
We gonna find answers,
to all your questions
someday someday
and we will wait together
till that someday is one day.

Be My Guest - XI

For story until now Go To the END :                                                                    

Chapter Eleven - The First Meeting

As fascinating as I was hoping
This house and it's history
But a weird sense of fear
Every time the dark falls in
Probably is nothing
Is jus my weird journey
Its jus me
Thinking too much
And imagining a lot

I hope I could use this imagination
To my benefit 

The castle of Dracula
History buried in every inch.

Yesterday night I met my host
He walked in
When I was reading his letter
At first I was afraid
of his strange features
But he won over me
With his charming character

Raising my head from the letter
I saw a very tall man outside my door
He smiled and greeted
With stretched hand
"Am Count Dracula,
Your host"
I grabbed his hands for a handshake
Oh! Lord his hand was dead cold
But without expressing my doubts
I jus said
"I am Joseph Watson,
Am a writer..."

"You're my guest,
That's all I need to know.
And am at your service"

Ah! Such an incredible persona
Prominent features, 

but sunken eyes
As if his eyes were pushed 

into the sockets
Nose sharp and too long
Cheeks bones standing
As if skin covering only bones
Thin red lips
And teeth extraordinarily 

long and sharp
his canines were pressing his lower lips.

I was feeling deathly chills
in his company

But still his presence was
Comforting me
My emotions were heightened
Like an Adrenaline rush
And it's exciting

as if something new to come.

"Excuse me to notice,
I see you were jus reading my letter."
He said.
"I slept in all day,
and was really feeling strange
For waking up here, suddenly
I mean I knew I was coming,
But yesterday I slept in that inn
And today I find myself on this bed.
I am feeling confused,

I am feeling lost

but as you're here now

I don't know why but am feeling relieved

Can you care to explain

If you know, how I reached."

He smiled and said,
"would you like to join me
at the fire place
Let's talk over a cigar and a drink,
This gonna be a long story
I bet your confusion will be settled
And promise all your questions
will be answered."

I left the letter on the bed
and followed him
It was like
When he talks
He got a hold on me
I was drawn to follow him
Every muscle in my body
Was pulling me to follow him 

He turned and walked
And I followed without any questions

I tried to pull myself 

out of the trance

and questioned
"Why you said long story
If there's something
I believe I would remember
It was jus yesterday
And today am here."
He looked back at me
Smiled and answered
"Good lad, it's been three days
Since you're here."

-- To be Continued...

Until Now in Be My Guest :

Chapter One - Boarding The 3:15 Train
Chapter Two - Solitude As I Had Asked For

Chapter Three - A Dream So Real
Chapter Four - Breaking Dawn to Break Free
Chapter Five - We Arrive!!
Chapter Six - 666
Chapter Seven - The Dread Room
Chapter Eight - The Dread Room Continues
Chapter Nine - Is Everything Real?
Chapter Ten - The Letter

Further on Be My Guest :
Chapter Twelve - Wanderin' Among The Dead
Chapter Thirteen - Nightmares in the Castle of Dracula
Chapter Fourteen - Midnight Conversation

Did You Notice...??

Did you even notice
That I was gone
One day I was there
And One day I was not
Lost among your long list
Buried under your packed life
Did you even notice I was lost
With you but without you all along

Did you even notice
When I was there
Longing for a blink of your attention
Waiting for you to discern me once

Pages turned brown
And summer wrapped in winter
Spring passed by and leafs fell on earth
My wait was over
I decided to turn my back
You still didn't notice
When I looked back that final time
Hoping you would take a notice
You'll change my mind
All I wanted, a little bit of hope
All I longed for was a second of attention

But I had to walk out
And life is, as it was
You didn't even notice
That I am gone
Away from you
And long way to come back

You didn't notice
When we stopped being us
When I became jus a passenger
And when I passed by.

Eye Of Storm

Thousand witches are howling

Oracle’s cries with aching heart

The end is near

And thunder striking God’s anger

Thy sinful existence

Lost hope in eyes of mercy

Thy jealousy, and thy selfish wants

Never ending I, me and mine

Destroying every hope

For the future to come

“Don’t take me wrong

I have to destroy my own creation

With my only hands,

Thee can’t imagine

The sorrow of hopelessness

Thou brought upon

My lost creations”

“But thou Mighty

Most powerful thee

I hath been your most loyal

Never did I existed for me

I sacrificed my own family

The next Abraham

I hath been.

But you choose to destroy

The whole generation

Why can’t I be the Noah

Being thy hope,

Adam of next generation”

“My dear son,

How can I explain thee?

When I can’t even reason myself

Like thou I have few dear sons

The children I adored and

Reason to look upon

Thou art my reason

Of mercy for so long

But now the extremes are caused

This earth unclean and cursed

But my dear children

There is only one thing I say

Thou art the reason

My heart aches

Thou art the reason

My hand shakes

Thou art the one

For whom

The witches howl

And oracle cries

Thou art the hope of earth

And reason mankind survives.”

“I understand where I am today

I am part of collateral damage

And I stand in between

But thee father

Promise me this

If I am born again

I be as fool as I am today

So that tomorrow thou still have faith

I ain’t change

I ain’t be selfish

I ain’t be a part of pollution

That brought our fate today.”

Memories!!

If only I could remember
a moment I was happy the last time
blissful and ignorant of the world around
enjoying my own company
when that turned into solitary
the loneliness haunting
If only I could remember
when pages of life turned
I try to visit the memory lanes
when was the first time
I started struggling
my memory goes back
and keeps continuing
if ever it'll stop
I keep wondering

When was the last time
I was in love
or loved by someone
with honest heart
all I can remember of
going back into the past
of betrayal and of misery
the rejection and feeling discarded
my emotion taken for grant
all I deserved to be treated badly

My memories goes way back
in the past
when did it all start
ever I took a breath of relief?
Question myself,
then I remember,
there is no such memory
I have been always lonely
there was no happiness
but life been a constant struggle
there was no time out or a pause
till now am in a fight
to survive
to gain
only hoping for a memory
that tomorrow I will
find somewhere.

My Missing Piece

I miss you
I won't lie about it
every time you gone
I hope
Am gonna be
okay about it

But still there is a knock
on the door of my heart
I don't understand
what it is
I don't understand
its thought

A feeling chocked with emotions
an ache in my heart
an emptiness a void
a loss comes haunt my soul

I don't remember
the merry memories
I guess because
I remember the bad ones
I have thought about it
and I have said
"you left me
and if you leave again
I hope you never come back"
I hope I never want you back

But why my heart gives in
I still don't understand
I believe am used to
having you around
Its not love
but am handicapped.

My tears you never wiped
you are not the shoulder
where I cry
I can't let go of the past
the brutal memories
of you breaking my heart.

But I don't know I don't understand
why I opened my arms then
probably I will do the same
when you come back again.
Not sure if this is love
but I miss you with all my heart.

Death of Faith

I should stop living
coz life is without faith
and now I collapse
without hope
the thoughts of past
haunts back
my path has lost direction
but swings back on the same path
where am going am flown away
somewhere and somehow

Am bound to say things
I don't believe
but I pretend to be me
when am dead.
Only outside stay
am gone anyway.
Inside of me
my are emotions dead
am cold
as chills of morgue
every time I move
am haunted by myself

Someone talks about hope
everyone has taken a bit of it
now life has faded away
and light is bright at every step.
A self realization before my existence
lost  in dismay
Did I lose something
Or found myself.
Why am consumed with darkness
when light I see.

Thy Reflection

Oh! thee world
the laughters and the mourns
blisters forgotten into thin air
and depth has been lost

Call for a fellow survivor
venture upon own visage
evil or innocence consumed
in the fire of hell

Lost direction
hoping for a sweet gesture
fooled by empty words
only to outcast lies

Oh! thee world
the sorrow and the howls
victim of rage
and entangled into despair
hatred for one another
crimson stain on every eyes

Left with void
defied from mercy
no faith
no replies to our cries
where is thee
thou effigy we are designed
there is no Ergo,
alas! our fate
We can't separate
innocence and evil
our souls are tainted
our faith shaken
believe in thee
with only fear of dismay.

Blood on thy hand
Can you hear my mighty Lord
Even thee will not be spared
when judgement day arrives.

Look at thy visage
what thee see, My Lord
we are created
only thou to reflect.

Drowning Solitary

Solitary all I wanted
but death in solitude,
its mourning
not a drop of tear
not a soul to chase
lost in darkness
deprived of light
exiled from peace
only to die die and die

Is this all I worked for
is this my lonely fate restore
cultivated my own funeral flowers
dug my grave
and craved my name on tombstone

Drowning in my solitude
I question all those judging soul
what you have done
and what I have not.
Why am banished
and why am scarred
lost everything I had
and still been judged
without empathy
without faith
no hope to look at.

Asking for that little soul
that feels, that mourns
that cares about
what it is and what not
if I am even alive
if dead all along

Is there a little shred of hope
a silver-lining to look upon
or its long gone, departed all.
I had been drowning
and I jus' got to know.

Under Crimson Sheet

How many times,
Did you come for me
Taken pity for my broken heart,
Wiped my tears in my miseries

How many times,
Did you fought for me,
took my hand,
been on my side,
or whispered
"it's all gonna be okay
in a while"

"When was the last time,
you made me happy" You said instead
When I was broken
when my heart was aching.
You left me a million times
Even if I was with you,
alone was I.
I was in darkness
and you left me to be haunted
when I was scared
You were never beside me
to protect.
Steps I took towards you
I went another inch deeper
drowning in surreal fantasies
Trapped in a quicksand of lies.

I stand like a fool now
my lifeless corpse witnessing
Your deception
asking for reason
Why you did this
its all I was wondering

I gave up everything
I loved you for eternity
I could've given my life for you
but you choose to end me
suffocated me until I was breathless
stabbed my heart till last drop in me bleed
punched in anger until no one could recognise me
and then left me lifeless and cold
under crimson sheet soaking my death

A Human Life

- A Hopelessness to start '15 with

What a human
Weak and pathetic
Cruel emotion haunts
and Love ruins

The soul so drench in cries
hopelessness always soaks in
there is no new start
in this life time
and life could end
when is my time

Powerless and deceitful
on its own-self
what a human
so awfully lost
in its own dread
lifetime spent in fear
of losing a few things
and someone.

Caring for a feeling
So disgusted pity
one could pamper
left in the hollow
on the name of
friends and family

What a human life
nothing but feeble truth
deceiving one another
on the name of love
and lies.

Years after years
this species ages
and get diseased
waiting on its grave
still betraying, lying
and brooding.

What a human life
nothing but a bunch of lies
about hopes and about dreams
only a long way to walk
before you die.
Emotions are evil
and love ruins
a human so fragile
Weak as its existence is
a miserable cry
hopeless never ending dread
and pathetic grab
to its dolorous mortality.

Its a human life
pain, hurt and losses
derail journey
and unchaste faith
A hopeless hope
a long suffering until my death.