Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Precious Devastation

I lost something precious recently, a diamond of my eyes. A literal piece of diamond, from my engagement ring. Don’t know why a 20 cent piece mattered so much, that its absence has made the whole ring obsolete. But that little piece puts everything into perspective.

How the people we are closest to can be taken for granted, to be there forever. Sometimes we try to take care of them like I checked the setting of that ring, or cleaned it, every now or then, so that it sparkles its brightest. But it takes only a moment, a moment you are most unaware of, and engaged in something else, it falls off and probably washed off like it meant nothing, without making a single sound, vanished somewhere in the huge world out there, no where to be found, no matter how long and hard you search. It means nothing to anyone, for them I'm jus' a crazy person with wandering eyes and limited concentration, bend over checking dirt and scraping little pieces on the ground, "It's so small, doesn't mean anything", someone suggested with their expect opinion. But it matters, matters to me and it will leave a hole of imperfection in my soul. And no matter how I try to fix it, I will always know there was a loss associated with it and there was a hole.

Chain of thoughts has no boundaries, a tiny piece like a 20 cents shining stone, can light the darkest lanes buried under memories and can unleash tsunami of emotions, flooding the ancient gates, wide open. All those hurts and pain from the past hit all at the same time, making one go berserk. 

I asked myself a question there, whose fault was that. I wasn’t a victim, I knew people, I knew their traits and colors of their character. Why I wanted to invite them into a lavishing wedding, where I couldn’t invite anyone who was my well-wisher. Why did I have that wedding in the first place, where I knew the man I wanted to share my life with, wasn’t my partner, never was and never will be.

Saving that money and investing to buy a roof over our heads would’ve been the best decision, but I was childish, I had a fairy tale dream. I can’t be angry at them, who jus' came to stump on us, and that was expected from them. In reality I am mad at my choices, and the reasons for ‘em.

But am narcissist, I can’t let go. It’s who I am and what makes me, Me. I can never forgive the one who have hurt us, I can’t go in the past to change the course only to be devastated by its butterfly effect. But today, in present if anyone is trying to hurt me and the one closest to me, I can be the meanest narcissistic person you will ever know, and I will destroy you. 

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Incomplete Symphony

Music of my melancholy
Rises and falls in its own symphony
Lost into my loneliness
Surrounded by void passions

Empty page, staring at nothingness
so much to say
that words can't comprehend
So many thoughts
Drowning in my own imagination.

Prorate balancing my universe
To make sense in its disturbance
Letting myself drift in perspectives
Passing over the broken bridge
Salvaging what is left.

Unknown strings making music
Without words my lines are empty
Ingenuity in its originality
Keep repeating same choir in repeat
There is something waiting for me

How does my thought drift
what could have been
How life is, and to become
Without you,
With a piece missing, a soul detached,
With every lasting pause and

Friday, November 24, 2017

LCO Says So

Once you let go of the fear, everything gets easier.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Lucifer - Chapter 6

For story until now Go To the END : 

Chapter Six – Pile of Death

Waiting for something brilliant to explode
That will change the world
Something that turns around 
the whole definition of existence
Something that saves human 
bringing light into the world.

As I ascent over the entirity
I realize how hopeless is it
This world and its worthless beings
Rotten rodents living in disgust and envy

Walking backward falling into the dark ditches
drowning in their own blood and vomit
still their deception, despair and malice
dominating their evil propensities

What good there is to offer?
Is salvation this humanity deserves?
Let it perish in its own miseries
as it suffocates one another

I turnned and began to leave
but then stumbled upon something 
I fell and lost my vision
when I woke up I saw the world burnning. 

Standing on a tall pile of dead bodies 
I can see
as far as my eyes can perceive
I wonder shall I do it a justice
Let it burn or save it for few million.
But then again, what difference would I make
A fallen angel with broken wings
abandoned on earth,
striped of powers, grace and essence.

Am I the center, 
is it my decision, 
and this is it?
Is it God's plan
some test, or just my last days on earth?

But wait what I see now, it's so strange
I rub my eyes to see a vision
There are several more
an army of fallen angels
I am just another comrade 
following a cause
is it evil or is it good
time will tell as the pages turn. 

In this mighty play
If I lose if I give up
If I am just another body
part of the thousands piles
It would hardly matter
It hardly alter

Friday, November 17, 2017

Lucifer : Chapter 5

For story until now Go To the END : 
Chapter Five – Lucifer Rises

Midst of abeyance fugue
I tried to comprehend,
a little I could.
Mantled in cave of refuge,
Under broken branches and palm leaves
my pride hides where no one could see

Whilst I captured my senses
several battling fields spawned on me
The noises and the chaos
so much of brutality
violence gaining thick
prejudice haunting the sun,
and the truth

But then like a shinning beam
I recalled Her face,
Her beautiful face,
calling for me
A moment of bliss
too little to feel
As sense of dread hung over me.

Betrayal and affliction,
all I remember
"My Father, Thee Mighty God"
I smirked in disgust.

In that very moment,
I clutched my chest,
as my heart bled
I bawled in pain
as I felt my essence drain,
leaving my spirit,
It shattered my quintessence

But that instance clouded by a dark omen
A premonition of something gruesome
As I closed my eyes, to center the noises
I could feel Her, I could feel Her
But Her aura dying

"I know its Her,
Something I feel
I can't explain,
She's gagged in anguish
She's in dread

I know its Her
Something I feel
I can't explain"

"I have to save Her" I thought to myself
While cries of my fallen legion
flooded my conscience
I stumbled, I fell,
Which direction I leap?
My wounded comrades
Or my only beloved

I ascend to fly,
only to be chained by gravity
I pummel to run,
dragged my broken wings.

Every moment
bound me numb
Every second
the voices grew intense
The sun rose, only to set
as time swirled like icy breeze.

I laid there on the muddy ground
A fallen angel from the morning sky.
The Archangel, the son of God
On the ground
Helpless and clogged.
As I was mourning pity,
A gleaming light dazed from my blade
I knew what I had to do,
Without one more thought
I severed my mighty white wings.

I laughed in brutal pleasure of rawness,
"I am no longer an Angel,
Father, listen to me.
I am no longer your slave
or chained by your bitterness
This is my rebellion
from your blindness
and hypocrisies"

Free from my meager burden
I rode on the winds
navigated by my affliction
drawn to Her shrilling weep.

At a distance, smoke was rising,
Scene was gloomy,
and the ashes descending.
Sky was dark,
like morning was night.
Human's surrounded
something in their mid
screaming and cursing
at the top of their voices
"Burn in Hell,
You abominable witch...
Burn in Hell.."
They badgered crudely.

Meandering through crowd
I reached the front and the center
Only to be stunt
with savagery intended.
Helm by my dismay
stuck by my mortifying dread
I utter, appalled "I am too late".

I discern that ghastly sight
as my beloved burnt
with her last breath inside.
She tried to scream
but only in silence,
No voice no sound
drowned in the noise all around.
I watched her skin melt
like wax effigy
Her eyes filled with fear
and her soul leaving in agony.

My heart ripped into pieces
tears from my eyes dropped in torment
The barbarous descry, nothing to define
"She was a peaceful soul
How this is what you decide?"

I led my steps, As I mourn in silence
my final goodbye, My last bid
But then, "He is the evil one...",
someone ushered,
"Lucifer, the fallen angel,
Lucifer, the son of morning star
Lucifer, the evil incarnated,
Thee evil, Thee evil,
He is D'evil...",
together they declared.

Rage filled my veins
I wailed in angst
"How could you do this?
How could you do this? Father,
Make an innocent soul suffer?"
I howled in my grief
fury bursting though me,
as fire wrapped me in it
My fresh turned raw and exposed
horns extruded from of my skull
My eyes red with lust
to devour all human soul

Every wicked mortal on the scene
ran in dread, ran in screams
I take an oath
And here my journey begins
vengeance and punishment
Until the earth is cleaned.

Until Now in Lucifer :

Thursday, November 16, 2017

A Decade

A decade ago
You gave me an earring
The one I lost
A half of a pair

A decade ago
We were a thing
Our passion with flying sparks
Admiration for each other

A decade ago
Probably we could have
made it work
If we hadn't hit a rough patch
If we hadn't despair each other

A decade has passed
And so much is changed
We are not the same people
I am not the same

A decade later
I come to hate myself
The person I became
All the failures bearing

A decade, now a past
Long walks on beach
And dreams we had
We loved no doubt
But now love is gone

A decade can change a lot
Maybe now its time to realize
Let's stop living in denial
Choose our own way
May that can lead to closure

A decade ago
We made each other happy
But chasing happiness
We lost our magic
Something's gone
Better left alone 
A decade too long
too much is taken
Following our separate path
Maybe bliss will come along.

For a decade I died
so many times
Dead inside,
I can still hear my soul cry
Not gonna wait
another decade again
It's enough
all I had to give

Sunday, November 12, 2017

LCO Say's So

There is a hell of difference between "what we want to do" and "what we have to do". The lesser the gap is, the more is the happiness and satisfaction.