LCO - Who is?

Sometimes nothing starts being everything, imagination takes over the reality and the life pauses into undisciplined fall outs and cracks open the long-standing truth staring right back at you. No matter how you avoid it, no matter what you feel, the reality will always find a way to jump-start the daily routine.

How I vent my desires of being who I am? How I choose myself over the mundaneness of normalcy? Well, I write stories, that brings tears and sometimes laughter, filled with fury and rage, but also encased in passion. I don't write for money, I write so that I can express and connect with my readers, take them floating over a journey and find my destiny while we venture together.

I am La Cleora Ortiz, and this is where you meet me.

Life over Logic

It's so easy to lose yourself, in the crowd, in the pace and in a race. Priorities mixed up and the real you fade away. Sooner than you think, it's too late to recognize the person in the mirror. Why am doing this? What's important to me? A constant struggle between who you really wanna be, what you wanna do and what you actually have to do to earn your bread, to earn your luxury or jus' survive. 

The question still remains, what makes you happy? Do you even know what makes you happy or the fakeness of your empty answer jus overwhelmed your imagination and you probably lost touch with who you truly are and what you want? 

It could be a blessing if you could have a perfect life, do what you love to do fulltime, have someone who is crazy head over heels in love with you and you can die for the one you love. But life, in reality, is much cruel than that often teases you with that perfect storyline, a resemblance, a meaning you reflect or fantasize but then draws you back to the reality, into chaos, and confusion with less than no clarity, and your mundane life hits you back putting some sense into your head calling it "Logic".

Logic, it's our way of not being spontaneous, not take risk, hide who we are and what we want, but above all play it safe. Logic is when you weigh the pros and cons in your head until something makes sense. Well, life doesn't make sense, does your existence makes sense? No, but logic brings order to the randomness. It saves our precious souls from the agony of failure, the anguish of heartbreak and brings a sensible closure to move on. Ironically "Logic" itself has its pros and cons. For starter, it doesn't let us trust our instincts, and biggest of all, it doesn't let us live life.

I am a logical person, and I would be the last one to tell you to give up "Logic", it keeps you safe. But I would tell you this - Don't let your logic dominate your life, find love 'coz love is not logical and it doesn't make sense, be spontaneous, chose a random menu, a random drink, or a random place on earth, let go of your logic from time to time and live, live life for once or twice. Be logical but don't be chained by it. You die once, but fear is a suicide of all the lives you could have lived, and the choices you could've made. 

Live, rather than questioning yourself, "What if?" Live even if that's the last thing you do.

Buried under Crimson water

A sudden jerk
and woke up from the dreadful sleep
I left panting
is this only thing I am left to feel

The pain the agony
keeping my head real
It's real
and not a dream

Standing over my lifeless corpse
drowned under crimson water
tub overflowing
and soaked with blood
down to one last breathe
and one last thought

Did I even exist
Would I be remembered
I stepped into the darkness
Vanished like smoke disappears

All I needed is
this pain to stop
the blackness consuming me
am fading into nothing

Where is the light
a dot of hope, at last,
all I needed was someone to love
someone to care
someone to be there

In that last moment
as I waited
I watched myself drown
in my own blood
buried under crimson water
hopeless, alone and given up.

Disconnected

It was jus' a couple of conversation
We did not connect
maybe there is no meaning
maybe you didn't care

It was jus' a flicker of hope
not admitting what it is
If it's so easy to crumble
then there is no reason to build.

It pains my heart still
maybe more than it should be
Maybe I got to change
Who I am from within

I don't know
how does it work
you show yourself
or be someone else

A distance A time
so longing
but just before the moment
every piece broke down

You didn't care for me
you were only enticed
by the colors
shades of unknown
But who I am beyond
nothing that matters
for us to belong together.

I am your Past

Picture Credit - Vapour of Sadness

Am your shadow
A part of your darkness
in the brightest daylight
A part you forgot
A part lost behind

Am a teardrop
A hurt a pain
you felt every second
I am part of your misery
and a friend
of your loneliness

Am your broken heart
A sunken feeling
in the dark
a weight of million tons
a feeling when crushed by love
A part you've given up

Am the dread
a haunting sensation
in the night
like someone is watching you
and it's hard to close your eyes

Am someone you forgot
ghost of your past
A distance that you've drawn
silence inside the white noise.

Am a part you never cared
not then, not today
I am the present
you never accepted
and a future
that never existed

So is this my Goodbye
to tell you I am moving on
I feel the pain
you'll never feel
'coz I expected too much

I wished you to hold me
when I am scared
I wished you to wipe my tears
To be there
so that I don't have to be enough

Now I turn my back
as I leave your door
and shut it behind
I know you barely notice
as I slip away
faded like a smoke disappears
Nothing of me,
jus' a faded memory left behind.

I gonna let 'em Stay

I gonna let 'em stay
My darkness
and my flaws
I have paid the price
for who I am
to summon my demons.

You know I wear a veil
I can cover it up
Or reveal myself
But it's about me
And nothin' that you can tell

Let it show
I am happy to
How does it feel
Like the never ending
blackness revealed

Voices in my head
Haunts me every day
Tormenting me into pieces
Breaking me every moment
and there is no escape.

But they are my thoughts
So am gonna let 'em stay
They feel like me
They run too deep
They're part of me
Even though they hurt and prick.

It's hard to say
How your own thoughts can hurt you
I know I have
Dragged myself down
There is no good
and there is no bad
It me, and a raw truth
Standing in front you.

You can bring me
 a thousand lights
But am a black hole
I will take away
everything you have
Let say that's your price to pay.

So, here is your chance
A chance to escape
Or welcome to my life
I gonna let you stay
If you feel the same way.