Not to Born Again

Everybody kept saying
I don't belong
Am not
'coz am from a different place
With my faded memories
and my tainted soul
I start my journey
lost in rememberance
tattered by passing time

Am an old soul
a soul of an ancient king
fighting everyday
battling still.

I couldn't see then
that I can see now
all I needed was to let go
but I was already
in the war.

My amour broken
my sword still fighting
but my body paralyzed
Counting my moments
As everything

came to an end.

I am still in the battlefield,
standing all alone,
surrounded by shadows,
I didn't lose, I didn't win
am jus' numb

Lost in my solitude.

Nothing matters,
nothing to carry on
I scream
I yell
but chained with cycle of life.

Everybody kept saying
I don't belong
Am not
'coz am from a different time
With my faded memories
and my tainted soul
I started a journey
lost in rememberance
tattered by passing time

Still wandering
whats real
what am fighting
I escaped a life
But still battles following me
Everything spinning around
like am center of chaos

still invisible
spontaneous combustions
incapable to control

I exist but I dont
I am solid mass
but I dont matter
My tears are filled
with pain and agony
of thousand lives
but my feelings don't matter

not to anyone.

Am surrounded by crowd
but am alone
Every one passing right through me

But keep saying
"You don't belong here,
This is not your place"

And I wander
I am an old soul
I came from the past
Am still battling 

to escape my demons
trying to find my freedom

Trying to find 

broken pieces of my soul

Am I capable of mercy,
or need forgiving, to be whole.
Something I need to fullfill

to rest in peace
To escape this life
and end this agony
closing the door to chaos
Be one with pieces I've lost
so old
so tainted
carrying surrow
carrying wounds.

Trying to escape this cycle
Break my ties with this soul
Wish Thee Lords,  for fate

Praying to say

Let me leave,
Not to born again.

LCO Say's So

Don't die for someone, who doesn't care about you. Live for someone who lives for you.

Be My Guest - XIV

For story until now Go To the END :    

Chapter Fourteen - Midnight Conversation

Knocking at my door

Woke me from my paralyzed doze

Left lying on the desk

Papers crumbled under my cheek

Knocking continued hammering the door

A moment I took to catch up what’s real

So tired, like I was drugged to sleep

Back crammed, weary, stiff and rigid.

Dragging myself to unlatch

Only to find Count

holding a wolf that’s tamed

With half opened eyes, I tried to make sense

But sudden glance of the monstrous wild

shook me alert from my drowsy sleep.

“My apologies, to wake you up

But you haven’t eaten

whole day and last night

Am worried am failing to be a courteous host

You deserve.

Please accept my apologies

and come down for dinner.”

“No, Sir…” I said with hesitation

“I am unaware,

when sleep spelled my eyes closed.

I kept lying on my desk

I am guessing whole day

maybe I need some stretch.”

Count grinned,

his long canine pressing his lips

I swear I saw blood on ‘em

No, am not sure

I was half-asleep

No sense in what I think I see.

I hastily said to divert my confused mind,

“Give me a moment to freshen up,

I will be right down”

“Of Course, Of Course, My lad.”

Count turned to leave

And pulled his leased pet.

After a while I joined him,

He was slipping through his wine,

Sitting beside fire

Humming a tune

And stroking his wolf

“You’ve met my sole companion here,

His name is Devil,

Isn’t it obvious, because he is all black.”

Something about this pet

Made me feel uneasy

Hazy remembrance becoming vivid

“Ah!! When am gonna get over

my haunting conscience,

It’s my journey to blame,

But why am having anxious feeling”

As I was thinking to myself

Count politely pulled my chair,

“So let’s have a seat at the table

And as I tell you a story

you enjoy your dinner.”

He walked to other chair afar,

while tamed animal followed him,

he sat and wolf laid at his feet.

“You’re afraid of Devil” He smiled and said

“Well, everyone is at the start.

He is big, black and people call him monster

But let me tell you a story

A story how Devil saved your life.”

I kept gazing at him

in shock and surprise,

Spoon dropped from my hand

into the bowl spilling my soup
Am paralyzed.

-- To be Continued...

Until Now in Be My Guest :

Chapter One - Boarding The 3:15 Train
Chapter Two - Solitude As I Had Asked For

Chapter Three - A Dream So Real
Chapter Four - Breaking Dawn to Break Free
Chapter Five - We Arrive!!
Chapter Six - 666
Chapter Seven - The Dread Room
Chapter Eight - The Dread Room Continues
Chapter Nine - Is Everything Real?
Chapter Ten - The Letter
Chapter Twelve - Wanderin' Among The Dead
Chapter Thirteen - Nightmares in the Castle of Dracula

She, Her and I

Why every footprint is left by her on the burning sand, walking hundreds of mile under the sun, a question to which we're still searching an answer. A very detailed Acrylic expression with shades to capture the reality in the desert of Rajasthan, India.

She is the main character of this piece, Her pot is symbol of her hard earn gulp of water and in her hardship, she still sees it to be a celebration of beauty and decorates with positive adornment that she could afford. And I am the artist bind to this - She, Her and I

                   

LCO Say's So

A firefly shines brighter in darkness, but it can't be mistaken to be a star, or can it be if only for a moment.

Directionless

Directionless, chasing you over broken pavements

Questioning every move every emotion

Every sentiment 

Darkness grows darker

Tripping and stumbling over rocks you left

Broken bridges am trying to mend

But burnt my hands in making promises 

Hurts every word

more than the wound I can give myself 

I can break into million pieces 

With a hope to whole our fate

But shattered without knowing my fault 

Blamed myself unaware of what 

Directionless, Am chasing you 

Till darkness eats my heart

I follow till I lost you at a distance.

Fog's getting thicker

Skipping a beat every minute 

Can't see, can't breathe 

Lost I was, jus kept sobbing.

Cold and haunting 

Your indifference towards me

Don't know why, don't know what

I did to deserve this?

Directionless, I chased you in zigzag 

Lost myself, lost my last bit of life 

Scarred my soul and broke my spirit 

All in an attempt 

To make us whole.

I fought against the odds 

Only to lose the war

I fought so much 

Now don't have the will to survive.

Directionless, I chased you

For once you call me your own.
You can condemn or curse
All I need was a single word.

But discarded and despaired 

You left me hurt 

on the broken sidewalks.

Passed by like you don't know me

Left me to my fate,

Left me breathless.

Don't know if this is how it all ends

Or is it jus a part of long pauses

I close my eyes now

To take my last breath 

Or tomorrow a life is waiting 

For us to be whole again.

Alive!!

-- In Memories of Chester Bennington

Mortality is so overrated

I think of leaving this world

Wrapped in despair

Some believe it’s cowardly to Quit

But it takes lot of will to bleed

Every time I hear those voices

Every time they scream into my ears

Every cell in my body freezes

And I keep deciding

Shall I bleed

Shall I choke

grasping for life

How I feel

What I feel

Is it worst

Than what I can do to myself.

My tears rolling down my cheek

Feels like earth slipped out of my feet

No Soul to turn to

No shoulder to lay and rest

So I decide this is my final day

And that moment is all it takes

So I decide I need to bleed

Let the bad blood drain

I search crazily

For an incentive

Something sharp

To cut through my vein

Give me rest

Forever from this fate

I picked a blade

Rusted and deteriorated

I push it through my skin

I cried I cried

Tears kept rolling

Pain too intense

My heart or my vein’s bleeding.

Gushing blood and pain intensifying

So I quit

Leaving only this wound

Later to turn into scar

A reminder 

how far I went

A reminder how weak I am

I chose to live again

I chose to give up to my physical pain

To breath again

Cowardly breath air

Cowardly breath live

And next moment am in my senses 

am in a fight

Fight to survive

My will completely broken

And am opening my door to the night

This was a week back

And today my life moves on

I hear about you suddenly 

Been long since you shared a song 

Didn’t know I will hear from you like this

You chose to quit

Quit on me, on us

You are gone, jus’ like that.

Leaving the world mute

Speechless without a word 

Stunt, shocked
and numb forever 

I will not hear you live

But your songs will still be undying

Your voice will echo

And you’ll remembered
by every broken soul

Mortality is so overrated
but you’re a legend
and you’re going be Alive.