Has it gotten easier for me to fail by giving up on my dreams? The feeling of filth is so making me angry. Angry on myself and as I can’t do anything about it and jus’ letting my anger out on others. I keep on telling myself I suck ‘coz I don’t feel the motivation. It’s like two forces are working inside of me and somehow I am let the wrong force win. I am all pepped up one day and then next 3 day and down and low, whining on my self inflected miseries. If I don't jump to get out, how would I get out. Its easier to depend on others and blame someone else but I don't have a choice other than blaming in on my evil reflection. Numbed and trapped in fantasy and chained with comfort.
Has the low scores something to do with it. I don’t know. I can’t take it anymore, every time I giving up, its killing me every time I move a date. Am never gonna feel ready. It jus’ time for me to jump, sometimes that’s the
choice you have. You fly or you die. Let the fate decide. I am diving in.
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