A Decade Old Habit

Nine years
of letting out the monsters
reach nowhere
and stone cold as this

Its not that
we don't understand each other
We never did.

Every fight
Scarred us
We fall into ditches
We dig.

I can't tell your version
of the story
But here
I have this

You wanted to do
what deemed right to you
You didn't think of me.

Every action affecting you
Has impacted me.

Least bothered you carried on

Raising questions on my solutions.

All I needed,
was you to support
my opinion
Even if, it didn't make sense
to your uncomprehending perception.

I don't want to strip naked
again and again, every time.
Just to make sense and
make you understand
How I bleed,
How I ache
broken with every hit.

Nine years has passed
And I finally understand

I have to struggle alone
Throughout my life
Even though I had been your rock
In those toughest days and nights.

I have to fight
To make my own way
Even though I fought with the world
For you at every step

I have lost myself
Fell into my own grave
Suffocated under dirt
And hit by my headstone
Dated back to a decade.

My expectations weren't too much

Or was it, so you thought?
But always you have acted against

weighing your logic than my respect.

All I needed
you to be on my side

Echoing for once
That my heart 

wants and decides.

For once I wanted

to be the special one
for a day my choices 

to be attained
fulfilled in every term.

But your surprises
were too much to bare

Broke my heart
And all my wishes.

You choose to
Kill my soul 

with your bare hands
Let me bleed, my will to live.

Your hatred so vivid
Your anger still has no rest
Maybe this is what I deserve
But tormenting your feeder
Where is the sense in this?

Nine years
I hoped we'll be better
We could fix this
If not sooner then later.

Its not that
we don't understand each other,
We never did.

It is that
We don't respect each other
And over the decade
We have learned to despair.

There is nothing to save
Or salvage in what we have
So let's draw a line today 

and break free
from our darkness
and evil hell.

Let's not drag
something meaningless
torturing and tormenting,
Something agonizing,
suffering filled with
only pain and aching.
Something like a burden
to weigh on every scale
Something so dark
that shadows love, care
and goodness.

I will live with my demons
Let 'em run deep
Escaping each other
Will give a perspective

For better or worse
There were no vows
There were no promises
So allow me to set fire
to a decade of miseries.

Let the blames
drown me
Let everything be buried
with my body.

I break you free
From all obligation
I ever expected

I break you free from
Your social responsibility
That you've never fulfilled

I break you free
From being my partner
'Coz we never shared
Our pain, our happiness
Our complaints.

Almost a decade passed,
But now wait for
four more months to come,
Like always you're incapable
I understand,
so I will come with a closure
that untie the bond
of void and nothingness.

Freeing you from
all your legal bounds.
I need nothing
Expect for my life back,
You have taken my will,
My freedom,
You've scarred my soul,
Never to mend and be whole.

But I don't blame you for anything
I was born with this fate
And I accept
I deserve this
You were jus' a medium
Fate brought in
But now escaping fate
Is my decision.

I mistaken you 

for my necessity

Someone I needed

to rely for certainty.

But you were my addiction

and I was a junkie

Realizing am sober now

I need to break 

a decade old habit.