LCO Says So

20/Apr'17 : You don't have to fire a gun to be a Hero.

19/Apr'17 : Jus' wearing "Being Human" t-shirt doesn't make anyone human being, compassion does.

Trapped in slow motion Car Crash

Trapped in slow motion car crash
everything spiraling around
whole world moving too fast
yet every screen so comprehending

As life is disappearing 

A rush through my vain

Several volts electrocuting

hollowness overcame with dread

No control of whatever next
shall I scream or say a prayer 

Grabbing anything I can find 

Drowning in noise or silence intensify.

Can't breathe, restless, panicking 

This moment keeps on stretching

I see clearly
even in panic, chaos and flying debris 

every moment flashed in pieces

Her face I see

Connected to everything 

My salvation in you
as I closed my eyes
I am at peace
and accept what it is
no fight, no war anymore
no curse no grudge
or blame to throw.

Wind wrapping me in its arms
am flying outside the car
every spin reminds of a chapter
My past and what could've been the future

A possibility an anticipation
lost in the chills of darkness
as cold blankets my last gasp
whats left of me
is nothing.

One Shot

A little bit of memory
A sentence or maybe a tune
enough to build a person
enough to crush a life

Swallow the agony
or feel the void inside
accept how alone you are
alone in darn cold world
meant to freeze you alive

Enough tears I have cried
now my eyes are dry
tried a million times
striped down till my skeleton
but couldn't make you understand.

Mourn my heart
with hopelessness
Trust in you
destroying my existence
a new person probably I am
or the real me jus' suffocated and died.

My life is distant memory now
those few laughs I had
my strength. my existence
faded away like nothing was there.
Broken and wounded
lost my will to survive
fought enough these battles
disgraced and dismissed.

Closed my eyes as I choose this
let the noise drown my soul
into the darkness I see
deep sigh but not a breath of relief
am scared but this is it
kissed the gun and said my prayer
one shot and nothing after that. 

Blossom - The new beginning

Artist sunken in the darkness giving beauty in Acrylic to blossoms from the darkness, depression and sadness and the world is brighter with the creation.

Pile of Ashes

Sometimes you can see the cracks expanding further and further, you can try saving it – tapes, glue and some other ways you can try to hold 'em together. But don’t we all know broken cracks can’t be mend. it jus' a matter of time a tiny sound can shatter everything into pieces. We already know that but are we ready to accept it?

Sometimes when bigger logs are drowned into the stormy ocean we try to hold on to the tiny debris without realizing its not enough to survive or even provide a moment of relief to catch a breath. Desperate to survive we try and try but dear reader Hope’s a bitch. Sooner you realize sooner you can let go and move on to evident solution.

Well I don’t know how to get hold on to anything even yourself when you're standing at the epicenter and witness everything crumbling around you fragment by fragment, maybe you pick up the pieces and mourn for the half burnt memoirs. Its good to be ignorant and blackout the aftermath from your mind but at certain point when you wake up from a dream of beautiful picture perfect house you once lived in and notice in actuality you’re standing on a pile of ashes, you got to know there is nothing you can do other than walking away. It hurts like hell, it does never denying it. I lost count how many time I have turned around hoping to catch a glimpse of the past and again being captured lost in my own hallucination of perfection. But for once I need to accept to myself that dream is not real. It could have been, maybe. But right now it’s not. Isn’t living a life of actuality and making something of it, is more worthwhile than drugged over an unreal sweet fantasy?

Today am look around ashes laying in its blackness, I see my beautiful house, picture perfect, every little piece put together with love and hope. Something that was comforting to me in my darkest nights and bitter days. It’s so hard to let go but once I open my eyes, I see its tainted. And believe me am no saint, I want to hurt the people who are responsible for crashing my world into irreparable mess. But jus’ before I press that final button to destroy a fraction of their lives, I fumble.

Does it worth it? I ask. Maybe I will feel good, I don’t know until I really witness their downfall. Or maybe I will be stuck at the same place I was yesterday – tormented and now polluted with their crudeness. Ain’t am already? I ask myself, they’ve brought out the ugliest in me, array of monsters I didn’t even know exist within. I wish I would suffered a multi-personality disorder, ‘coz facing my reflection and recalling my sins only bring shame and anguish. Wounds I already suffered are excruciating enough but now I endured the pain of never ending flashbacks of monstrous ignominy I rained upon my loved one and the agony and distress of such guilt is far too much to carry.

I can pour myself something that makes my head numb but with every sip I ask for how long. Tomorrow when I wake up, I will be here facing same demons, fighting the same battles. Saddest of all when you have lost your ground among your own, there's no fight left but to surrender to the abuses of outside enemy. And after losing a million such battles what's left are debris not enough to bear the weight of a survivor.

Survived? Am not standing at a cross road, I don’t have choices but I do need to accept the reality and reality lives in ashes circling around me. Leaving those memories behind will take several turning back and being lost in remembrance from time to time. Some say moving on brings new beginning, I don’t know if it’s for good. But whatever it is, isn’t it long overdue?

The Last War

We are entering the darkness
Darkness behold our soul
Emotions all unwrapping
Jealousy, Rage and guilt

Faster we run
We're running out of road
Lost our direction
Let faith take control

Surviving in melancholy
And letting humanity go
Have we went beyond saving
Now Apocalypse rides the world

God has turned the other way
No one to look after our tainted soul
Burn you people
Hell break loose on earth

Devour thy fire
Destroy Thee ugly creation
Purify this beautiful world
to let it start encore

We humans have failed Thee
Lost ourselves in war, lust and lie
There is no savior to mend us again
An inevitable fate we've

jus' sooner after our denial

I welcome you with open arms 

Made my peace with
Riders of apocalypse
They gallop our road
and show us the way

They fix what we've broken

clean the chaos

shatter our vanity

fade us in smoke
Like we never exist.

First the plague came
Then people fought wars

Conquest by lust and rage

Until Starvation took over 

At last Death arrived
Cruising over his pale ride 

Saving each soul
Burying us under final trial.

I rose above the noise

Floating between ground and sky

Took a final sigh
Air so fresh, breeze so cold
At last in calm, No rage no guilt
Searching for that final piece

War accepted its peace.

So here I find mine
The moment am in between
Moment to envy

The world I lived in

"I am ready" I said to
My human soul
"forget you ever did exist."

LCO Says So

You can only avoid something for sometime, delaying it doesn't make it any easier.