Tripping through the memory lane is a feeling so unexplainable like sometimes you hate it and its painful but still you can taste the sweetness in that venom. Best thing about past it makes you feel “what could've been”, but you can't turn around coz its obvious real and it is “what have been”. Even-though you can image multiple perspective without even admitting the reality. Well sometimes the reality is neither admirable nor unappreciated. The good in the shit load of worst, like a flower blooming in the pond of dirt. To reach up to that flower many huddles and pain need to be overcome, who knows, on the way their might be poisonous snakes ready to poison your heart and make your world stop in the stillness of never ending darkness. Then standing at the shore that flower appeals to you, forcing you to think, is that very flower really worth all that risk. Do we know what we are fighting for, does it even worth dying for. And the first answer coming from the core of your heart will enlighten your path. What if the flower is no ordinary but a golden lotus, one in a million. The shining sparkling beauty which you can't ignore, which you will regret leaving behind. Then should I go for it? Well it matter what that golden beauty means to you.
Talking on similes is all am doing in my above paragraph. But this is the way I see my life too. My wedding had lot of hurdles, heart breaking reality, wrong decision which I wish I could've been done differently if given a chance to relive the moment. You know what, am an ordinary person like you, I can't time travel, and neither I wanna face the consequence of the butterfly effect which it might bring. Honestly saying there are lot of incidents small and big, wrong and right, left or right, him or her I would like to change about that day. But one thing I won't change is the person Am got married to. The person I choose. The husband, the partner I got. I feel lucky to feel the warmth of your love honey. I told you once I don't understand how it is to feel Love, but today you make me smile sometimes with no reason around, my mind is lost somewhere thinking about you, my heart beats stronger for you and its haven't been once but several times you swept me of my feet not literally speaking but in real. You are the golden lotus in that pond of dirt and poisonous snakes which I need to get over with to reach to you.
I don't know when I will fully recover all those but someday... someday... the wounds will heal, the broken heart won't ache inside, the scars will remind but bruises will be gone. Am waiting for that day, Am waiting to heal, Am waiting for myself to come back. But before all that you made me feel, myself, my heart which is still beating, wanting to fall in love again, wanting to get loved again. Wanting us to be one. You and Moanu are the best part of my life. The only survival log which is allowing me to breathe in this brutal ocean. And you both worth every pain I can cross over to be your part.
Love!
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